Broke? Yeah. Fixable? Yeah. Want it to be fixed? No. Why? Because that’s just where we’re at. Will you fix it? We’ll fix it not-knowingly. Ignorance is bliss and all that. So for realities sake, let’s keep it at a what if. Keep a smug smile, a sarcastic answer and the same laughter in regards to regret. Sometimes space is what you need, other times all you need is a hug. Go back to when the smiles were automatic rather than a mask. Where laughter was natural rather than a task and the sarcasm was irritation, just like before.
Time is a funny little thing. One day can seem like a week and a week like a month. Intensity can get you good, although proximity is the killer. If you can’t win the game, don’t play it. Just because you stop something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t continue. Put it on pause. Don’t waste a worthwhile win just because you got pushed back to the start of the board. Don’t think about time or how long for. Pause is a good place. Pause is choosing whether to press play or to not return to the ending. Making you feel like you’re making your own ending. Nobody is really in control though. We just fool ourselves. Sometimes that’s enough though, to keep us going that is. But then, sometimes in the last place you expect it to happen, something or someone manages to turn up and throw everything upside down for the better. Even if places have to adjust and priorities have to differ in the process. If you can still smile after, it was worth it. Go ahead! Fill your head with thoughts. Keeps us moving forward after all. Except, if you wanted to move forward, you wouldn’t be trying to ignore that little but of sadness, nibbling at the back of your brain.
The real question is…
Are you going to stand there and let you fool yourself into making your ending or are you going to acknowledge the good parts and build on that and let things take their course. Pause is a good place. Pause is the flexibility. Stop or play. We’re all in a game. We just end up saying goodbye to the sore losers, saying shut up, yet smiling at the smug winners and fuck you to the cheaters. The cheaters of the game are the one’s that don’t stay up reading the rules until 04:00am in the morning. They only appreciate winning to show off the prize. They skip the best part. They go jumping straight into the game, without knowing what makes a good game. Cheaters have no challenge. No time, no effort. Just have that, sure let’s do this, attitude. The real winners are the one’s that still manage to get the other players to smile. If they are smiling back, then you already won. It just so happens, that the prize isn’t something to show off. It’s the thing that reminds you, that the large numbers of hours you spent listening and learning the information, rules and facts, will always be worth it. Forever being the cause of that occasional smug, yet awkward smile.
So, now those hours are over. Don’t ask yourself about timings. Don’t ask yourself about the rules. Don’t ask about mistakes, bluffs or skips. Don’t ask when or if to press play and don’t ask if the ending will work out okay.
Ask; will it make you smile? Will it give you the smile, that little fortune cookie kept inside? The smile that told you to ask the thing you secretly already knew the answer too.
The smile that gave you the smile you wanted back.